Blame Game

When it comes to workplace stress, it is an understandable reaction to blame someone or something else for that stress. After all, it's called "workplace stress" so it must be work's fault. A person experiencing workplace stress or burnout is likely to fall into the trap of blaming the boss, team leader or co-workers for that stress. It's exactly that, however: A Trap! Blaming creates a sense of being stuck and helpless. Anytime we feel helpless, we begin to see ourselves as powerless and unable to change our situation. It is difficult, if not impossible, to work from a position of empowerment and be proactive when we identify ourselves as a victim.

As a side note, blaming triggers stress hormones like adrenaline. Adrenaline is useful when it is from challenge-focused, primary arousal (survival situations, competition and even job situations like a big presentation); however, long-term affects of adrenaline from secondary arousal (vague, persistent worrying) eventually depletes a person's energy and can actually damage one's health. Simply put, no one can stay in "fight or flight" mode indefinitely. It's exhausting!

But what if my boss really is a huge jerk?

Fair enough. There are plenty of people in the world who seem to serve the sole purpose of making life difficult. It is true that we have very little, if any, control over how people behave. That does not mean we are trapped. It means we have difficult choices. A person might be in a miserable situation at work, but that pain seems more tolerable to him or her than the alternative. If a person allows those other choices to remain vague, he is once again allowing that secondary, useless form of adrenaline to take hold. The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook outlines five questions to ask yourself to help identify your actual choices:

1) What specific steps could you take to change a major stress producer at work? Notice that the question doesn't ask how you could eliminate stress altogether...focus on one major stress.

2) What would you risk in attempting that change?

3) What steps could you take to change jobs altogether?

4)What would you risk in attempting to make that change?

5) What steps could you take to change your perception of a risk so it seems more tolerable to you? i.e. if the risk is not having any idea how to begin a new job search, would you be willing to meet with a recruiter or career counselor to gain advice and insight?

The outcome of these questions will either be "Yes, I am ready to make some changes in my work life" or "No, I am going to choose to live with the current conditions because it still seems less painful than the alternative. I may choose differently in the future." Both are fair and appropriate answers. It will vary depending on your situation. Asking questions like the ones above is not a one time questionnaire. Ask yourself these questions every month or so. Do the answers change? Has your tolerance for risk changed with the evolving situation? When we recognize the choices at our disposal (whether we are ready to take them or not) it creates a sense of empowerment. We then move from the trapped victim to the empowered person making the best choice for the current situation.