Leaving a Bad Day Behind

I've always said that stress is sticky. Without concerted effort, it has the tendency to stay with us throughout the day even when we leave the situation that caused our stress. This is what causes us to go home and kick the dog or yell at our loved ones. A short and sweet article put out by the Harvard Business Review gives you three short tips for leaving work at work.

1. Clear your mind. Sit back in your chair and breath deeply. Think about what matters to you outside of work: family, friends, activities or hobbies.
2. Do something easy. My favorite easy end of the day task is to clean off my desk. No, don't dive into a major reorganization! Simply stack papers that had been spread out, put the pens back in the cup holder and the stapler back in the drawer. Make sure there is empty space on your desk. If there is something that I know needs my attention (perhaps even the cause of that day's stress) I put it on the top of my stack, ready for tomorrow. For you, it might be to respond to a few simple emails or other routine task. This also has the added benefit of starting your day off right tomorrow by leaving behind an organized space.
3. Get up and leave. Once you have finished that last job, stand up, grab your bag and walk out the door. Don't chat, linger or check email "one last time." Go. Home.

Whoa, Nelly!

Step away from your phone before you make that angry call. Do not push the send button on that email that YOU WROTE IN ALL CAPS. Hold on before you storm someone's office. I can almost guarantee: You. Will. Regret. It.

Why? As if it weren't bad enough that the nasty stress hormone cortisol can make us overweight, sickly and forgetful, it also appears as though it also makes us make bad decisions. If you think back to my last article , we know that cortisol makes some parts of our body's function slow down (digestion, memory, immune system). Cortisol also flips the switch from our rational, parasympathetic nervous system to our more lizard-brained sympathetic nervous system. This simply means that we have a hair-trigger response to perceived threat (real or not). We become myopic and primal. The best advice, most simple advice I've heard on how to circumvent this knee-jerk reaction to calling someone a Jerk is this: Whatever you feel compelled to do, don't.

Cortisol Crazies

I was a Warrior this weekend. I spent Saturday at the Warrior Dash charging through miles of mud, military obstacles, creek beds, barbed wire, fire and more mud. Lots and lots of mud. Now I'm sitting at my desk on a Monday morning banged up and bruised ready for the week.

This might seem counter intuitive to many people who see the weekend as their one opportunity all week to rest and relax. As a compassion fatigue specialist, should I know more than others the importance of a hammock, a good book and a glass of wine, right? To that I say, "Yes. And..."

Yes, we do need periods of time when we are quiet with our minds and our bodies, times when we literally slow down from our normal pace. And we also need ways for our bodies to process and release nasty "feel bad" chemicals that collect in our bodies. We are still the products of our prehistoric selves. Stress creates a physical response that releases cortisol. If we actually were in physical danger we would fight or flee and that cortisol would be used up. Emotional and mental stress also releases cortisol. In this case, however, we are not given the opportunity to burn it off.

Why is this bad? Think of cortisol like you think of cholesterol. Unused, it build up and begins impeding the normal functioning of vital systems. In this case it impedes memory functioning and the immune system. Highly stressed individuals don't just seem like they are sick more often...they truly ARE sicker. The sicker they are, the more time they have to take off work which, in turn, creates more stress. You see where this is heading, don't you? In one giant circle.

Fortunately, our bodies can be amazingly efficient. Exercise not only pushes out the extra cortisol in the body, but the more we exercise the more quickly the body can return to emotional homeostasis in the future. Here's the added good news: you don't have to complete military trail runs to get the effect. Break a sweat for 20 minutes everyday and you will feel the difference physically and emotionally, need to take less time off sick from work and notice improved concentration and memory. Now, don't you feel better already?

Stiff Upper Lip

When asked for a stereotype of the British, my guess is you come up with exactly what I did: they keep a stiff upper lip. They do not show emotion in the face of adversity. They are resolute. We Americans, on the other hand, are often thought to be overly "in-touch" with our emotions. We are a nation of people laying on the therapy couch lamenting about our childhoods and bemoaning our "stress."

It surprised me to discover, then, that the British take workplace mental health and stress more seriously than we do. Indeed, in Britain, the law requires that companies there undergo regular stress audits. I ran across this trend quite by accident while looking for articles and resources on workplace mental health and burnout. What I noticed was that the majority of sites that appeared were based in the UK or Canada.

Does this refute their reputation for keeping a stiff upper lip? Or does it show that they are more willing to face a real challenge head on? Work stress is real and it is costly. A study at Middle Tennessee State University estimates that job-related stress cost American businesses over $300 billion a year in medical bills, recruiting and training. More striking, an estimated three-quarters of all doctors' visits are the result of stress related problems (from everything to diabetes, to addictions, to heart disease). The cost associated with all of those visits? About $71 billion dollars.

The Brits have realized what I hope we will soon realize: managing workplace stress isn't just a "feel good" measure, it makes real and measurable business sense.

Merge Ahead

I was driving through Charlottesville today and lamanting the local difficulty with merging. I'm not sure if it is the concept that people find difficult or just the actual practice of it. I know, I know...the merge lanes on 250 are short, visibility can be bad...I get it. This article is not actually about local driving practices. It is, however, about the importance of merging and what it might mean when we have trouble "merging" in our lives.

It takes timing to merge. Too fast and you can find yourself on someone else's tailpipe slamming on your breaks. Too slow and you'll wind up parked on the shoulder of the road. Too often we are either driving as fast as we can to meet deadlines and obligations or stuck in neutral avoiding those same deadlines and obligations. To merge in life we need to become sensitive to the timing both in and around us. Are we giving ourselves the emotional and physical fuel that is necessary when we need to speed up a bit in life? Do we know when to slow down and not micro-manage a situation? Just like the short merge lanes on St. Rt. 250 in Charlottesville, we feel like we have to make a quick decision: slam on the breaks or push the gas to the floor. At some point as drivers, however, we must learn to trust our skills and trust our judgement as drivers and make that move. So it is in life: trust yourself to know what you need and what you have to give to a situation. And then ease on the gas and merge.

Hatch or Go Bad

I've noticed a theme in the lives of many of my friends, colleagues and myself, for that matter: CHANGE. For some, the change is uninvited and unwelcome. For others, it's an unexpected opportunity. Still others are crafting a change of their own design. It can be change relating to career, family, love or location. Regardless of how much control we feel (or don't feel) about the changes occurring in our lives or what part of our lives will be affected, the common thread is that change is scary...terrifying, even. Aristotle said that change in all things is sweet. Perhaps...but we can't experience the sweetness of the change before we taste the sour sting of the process. No change is painless.

Perhaps the most agonizing part of change is the choice involved. Chocolate or vanilla? Stay or go? Go out on the limb or find solid ground? Even when it is a change we did not ask for, we must choose how to proceed in the face of change. Are we able to muster grace when we are fearful and doubting? Can we offer mercy when we are pulled toward revenge? Can we forgive ourselves when we do neither? The truth is, we are often not at our best selves in this metamorphosis.

So, why then, do we change? C.S. Lewis put it pretty starkly, "We cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, descent egg. We must be hatched or go bad." When we accept that we must change, that it must occur around us and in us, we can begin accept the distress of it. Ever see a real bird hatching? Forget the Easter images of cute chicks in perfectly halved shells. It is not a pretty sight. It is messy, slimey business. Accept that you are suppose to feel, at best, uncomfortable. We are fraught, raw-nerved and vulnerable during these periods of change. If we are lucky enough, those who care for us will also ride out the storm of change along with us. We are each becoming who we are meant to be. Have patience.