Reflective Coaching

“It’s all about the relationship!” How often have we heard or uttered this ourselves? Whether our business is counseling, sales, law or any profession dealing directly with clients, we understand that the crux of business is the relationship between the employee (attorney, therapist, sales rep or other) and that client. That relationship needs to be built on trust in which they listen to their clients’ needs and respond by helping them visualize and then attain a workable solution.

The same should be true with the relationship between managers and staff. As managers, however, we too often focus on numbers, outcomes and verdicts (the product) over the relationship (the process) in our supervisory relationships. We practice “do as I say, not as I do” management style. If we really believe that relationship earns the results, then we must model that desired relationship in our interaction with the staff we manage.

Traditional product-focused coaching zeros in on tangible, imposed objectives: land this sale, win this trail, change this behavior, meet this quota. Product-focused coaching maintains the status quo and often supresses challenge and questioning. On the reverse, challenge and questioning is where Reflective Coaching comes alive. Reflective Coaching requires that the manager and employee take an investigative approach toward growth. Managers are curious about the process their employee used in an event, what the employee was thinking and feeling during the event and then analyzing how new realizations can be applied to the next event. Unlike traditional performance coaching, Reflective Coaching provides a continuous feedback loop between the individual and the manager. The manager inquires and listens more, talks less. By building this relationship, change is not only an improvement of the status quo, they are truly transformation.

Unplug Stress

6 Easy Ways to Reduce Stress, is a good article that describes simple ways to decrease your workplace stress. What I found interesting is that nearly all of them could be boiled down into one word: disconnect. Step away from emails and techology at least once a day. Hand over parts of your workload that is unreasonable. Turn off the news. Don't worry about what you can't control (traffic or other people). Walk away (figuratively and literally) from stressed people. Every example is a form of walking away.

It is true that we cannot turn our backs on whatever happens to be difficult in our life. We cannot live our lives in a bubble...but, we can certainly visit one every now and then. We all need a protective barrier. Just like pollution wearing away ozone, however, exposure to negative emotions (ours or others') wears our protective barrier down. Stepping away, even for a brief time, allows us a chance to refortify.

The good news is, even a little change to our rountine can help a lot. I challenge each of you to try to do just one of these 6 things for one week. Come back next Monday and tell me how you feel.